Miley Cyrus, "Molly," Sinead, Amanda and Me

Before I begin my diatribe ( or possible incoherent rambling) about Miley Cyrus, Sinead O'Connor (whose music I adore), and Amanda Palmer (whom I also adore musically, but who seriously needs to get some Immodium AD for her insufferable Twitter diarrhea. I mean, Amanda, no one really cares what you're having for tea and if someone does, you should probably take out a restraining order against them). Anyway, I digress. Since I am here and writing, I will answer the question no one in particular may have asked: Where has K Telle been? Long story short, quite some time ago I stopped writing music reviews for a respected Indie/Alternative music and popular culture magazine. I became disenchanted with music. Well, to be more accurate, I listened to most of what was sent to me by PR Agents and went "Meh." I GOT BORED. At first I thought "Eh, I'm just getting old." But that wasn't it. I got tired of finding new and interesting ways to basically regurgitate the opinion " Um, I guess it's O.K." I was searching for an alternative to the alternative. But you know, every now and again, music goes through what I like to call a "tilling of the soil." It happened most famously with The Beatles and Nirvana. Courtney Love tried her hand at it too, representing for angry RocknRoll women, and most successfully until the departure of Eric Erlandson, but again I digress. Back to my disappearing act which followed my utter disappointment for most modern music. Essentially, several events transpired that made me redirect my energy to things other than music, writing for others, and blogging. Well, I'm (sort of) back. And I finally have something to say. Why is everyone so concerned with Miley Cyrus, Sinead O'Connor's view of Miley Cyrus, and last but not least, Amanda Palmer's view on Sinead O'Connor's view of Miley Cyrus? Am I interested? No. I'm not interested in Miley Cyrus or an album titled Bangerz. I dislike her style of music. I'm not saying that for indie cred. I'm bored with indie cred. I'm saying that because her music is shit. But let's face it, not listening to top 40 is hardly a rare trait in the world of hard-core music lovers, be it spotty jaded "Alternative" or the even more pretentious musical landscape of Opera. Yet the country is stuck on Miley, like a needle in the groove to your first 45, prattling on and on about the shape of the poor girls ass, and how we should all protect "the children." Newsflash: Using sexuality, (be it successfully or in a manner which evokes much hilarity and a bit of unintentional cringing), is hardly new. Sex or nudity are no strangers to marketing geniuses or middle American moms. So why now is it suddenly so controversial? Why is what Miley Cyrus did and does considered "offensive?" She appeared on a music channel's awards show. A corporate music channel wherein music scarcely plays a role, and therefore is taken seriously by no one of consequence. If you want my opinion, Cyrus' over produced marginal music, and cavalier snarky attitude toward mental illness (IE: Amanda Bynes), are the two most offensive things about her. Do fans of music such as Sigur Rós, Conor Oberst, Radiohead, Redd Kross or Jack White think Miley looks like a moron sticking her tongue out and "throwing signs?" Probably. But then every era has its "Oh my God I had a mullet and wore spandex leggings with shocking blue eyeliner" moments. If Miley Cyrus wants to brag about doing drugs like "Molly" to appear "cool," I consider it no more shocking than next door's stoner talking about how baked he is while flashing the latest copy of High Times as his friends bikes and he block the entrance at the local convenience store. It's a case for parents and school to educate kids about drugs and sex. Use the time you've been wasting on "MileyMania" to actually, oh I don't know, TALK TO YOUR KIDS about what concerns you or what you hope and want for them. And if people are truly shocked by Miley Cyrus' prancing about in an awkward suspendered onesie alongside teddy bears and (smack me for saying this word), twerking, I have to ask, "Do you people not have the internet?" There are a lot more shocking things your children are looking at on a daily basis, parental filter or not. Hell, check out the new book series about dinosaur on human "erotica." If Cyrus still sticks in your craw, you've got issues I can't begin to fathom. I don't have kids. So I don't know how you are supposed to speak to them about sex and drugs. Maybe I read a pamphlet or something once. I've approached the subjects honestly with my nephews, as have their parents, and that worked pretty well. If you're religious - talk to your Priest or Rabbi. But, kids are going to do what they are going to do. It always was thus and so shall it always be until the end of time. Is watching T.V. going to provide you with a valid answer? It doesn't appear to have helped thusfar, has it? Unfortunately the days of After School Specials and kitschy made for T.V. movies like The Death of Richie, Go Ask Alice, or even the "tour de force acting" of Scott Baio in Stoned are archaic, albeit fondly nostalgic things of the past. If your kids want to seek out watching something or doing something because someone tells them its cool, they will. Unless you demonstrate something cooler and more forward thinking to them. Again, that's up to you. And if Ms. Cyrus wants to show her body - that's her business. I mean that literally, artistically, and with the business pun. She's young. She's a performer. She's growing. She'll find her way. Who knows, maybe underneath the posing and the production, she might even write some songs I can eventually enjoy. But I ask you, Why are you so fixated on it? Now that I'm semi-back and I've blathered on about something that took me weeks of the country's fascination to care enough about to think "SHUT UP ALREADY!" I now find my voice among the chorus of lemmings. So, irony aside, I ask you collectively, can we just move on already?